No Us Without You
by Emo Bangs
Summary: They were together until death do them part and in the most twisted display of love, they were going to keep that promise. Warnings inside. Very light OT4.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.****  
><strong>**Notes: This is the most depressing thing ever. Seriously, you've been warned. ****  
><strong>**Warnings: Suicide, character deaths, what could resemble a suicide pact.**

* * *

><p>The funeral was beautiful, just like James, just like his life. It was filled with wonderful memories and sweet words spoken about a son, a best friend, a boy with a passion for singing who left the world far too early. One of the speakers said that everything happened for a reason. It was hard to believe that there was a greater reason for James to intentionally end his own life. The crowd of mourning friends and family sobbed at this fact, comforted by the promise of a higher power watching over them. Three boys in the front row didn't shed a single tear, all comforted by the fact that they would, very soon, be reunited with the other boy.<p>

"_James, what the hell are you talking about?" Kendall's voice was the first to break the tense silence that had settled over the four since James' declaration. _

"_I'm sick of rejection and having my dreams stomped on," James spoke meekly, his eyes averted from the other boys. He tried to ignore the way they all moved towards him, worry and fear written all over their faces. "I'm sick of my dad telling me what a disgusting, despicable person I am. I can't take anymore of it."_

"_Suicide is __**never **__the answer," Logan insisted immediately, placing a hopefully soothing hand on his shoulder. Apparently it was not because James was jerking away from Logan's touch. _

"_Yeah, well neither is dealing with it," he mumbled, fighting off the strong urge to cry, tightening in his throat. His hands were shaking in anxiety as he could __**feel **__the other boy's eyes on him. He typically loved any sort of attention but this time he just wanted to be alone. _

"_You have us!" Carlos exclaimed, trying in his usual manner to cheer everyone up. It was sad to think that that might not help too much; that might not be enough to make this better. _

"_I know," James admitted, voice sounding slightly ashamed. "I just don't know if that's enough..."_

_Three hearts broke simultaneously upon hearing that their love and care was not enough to save James. This was a testament alone to the immense pain James must be feeling. They all wondered when exactly it got this bad, when it went past the point of no return, having James so set on ending his life. _

"_We can get you help James," Logan spoke softly, almost hesitantly._

"_I don't want help," the pretty boy whispered, biting his lip as the tears welling up in his eyes trickled down his rosy cheeks. "I just want all this pain to stop." _

_None of them expected the next words spoken, coming from Kendall, the brave leader who believe in persevering and trying your best, never giving up. _

"_You kill yourself and so do we," he said without even thinking about it._

_The scary part, neither of the other two boys objected, nodding solemnly._

_Shock and outrage were clearly written across James' face. "What? No!" he yelled immediately, "You __all have so much to live for!"_

"_And you don't?" Kendall questioned softly. _

_That night they held the pretty boy as he cried and they prayed that they had changed his mind, unable to stand the thought of losing him. _

No words were exchanged following the funeral. The boys remained silent as multiple people approached them expressing their condolences. They just nodded; nothing could take away the pain of losing James. Even after they returned to the apartment that night, they didn't utter a single word to Mrs. Knight or Katie, both of which who also torn up over James' death. Though they were sad, their sorrow didn't compare to theirs in the least.

They waited patiently until the other two were out of the apartment before putting their final plan into play. Mrs. Knight expressed the need to go to the grocery store and insisted Katie go with her to get out of the apartment; the three boys exchanged glances and wordlessly headed to James' and Carlos' room. Their hearts constricted painfully at the vague smell of James in the air. They headed to the attached bathroom, closing the door behind them.

Logan instantly went to the cupboard, opening it and snatching out the orange bottle they'd hid in there. Left over from one of James' allergy attacks, they were extremely fatal if overdose. Logan, being the once aspiring doctor, figured out exactly how much one would have to ingest for it to be fatal. There were exactly two fatal doses left. Being the brave leader, Kendall insisted Carlos and Logan take them, courageously declaring that he would slit his wrists. Even in the face of extreme pain, Kendall was brave.

With slightly shaky hands, Logan filled two cups with water, setting them down on the counter, next to the bottle of pills. Kendall pulled the boxer cutter out of his pocket, sighing deeply as his eyes scanned over it. Upon Logan's instruction, he shrugged off his blazer and rolled out the sleeves on his button up shirt. Logan grabbed his wrist and turned it over, drawing his finger over the soft skin, informing Kendall where exactly he should run the blade.

From behind them, Carlos was the first to speak since returning from James' funeral.  
>"I'm scared."<p>

They both moved in to wrap their arms around him, drawing him into a warm embrace. "You don't need to be scared Carlitos," Logan said softly, knowing the use of his nickname would calm him down. "It's just like we're going to sleep."

"Really?" he asked, voice shaking slightly.  
>Logan nodded.<p>

"And then we'll be able to see James again," Kendall added, the name forcing a slight smile onto his lips.

"Okay," Carlos said, nodding his head.

Logan handed the Latino the designated dose of pills and a cup of water, taking the same for himself. They tossed them back at the same time, both sipping at the water before swallowing the pills, their ticket to seeing James again.

Right as they swallowed, Kendall spoke up. "I love you guys."

"Love you too," they replied in unison. "We'll see you up there with James."

In a twisted way, they all smiled at this fact.

The two reentered the bedroom, leaving Kendall to do his deed, after expressing his wish that they didn't watch. He didn't want them to have to witness that. Taking a deep breath, he slid the blade open and the only thought crossing his mind was all four of them and eternal happiness.

And when Mrs. Knight returned later that evening, she would find Carlos and Logan curled up in James' bed, the covers drawn over their bodies, chests still, skin sickly pale. She would find her son in the bathroom, back against the cabinet, wrists out in front of them, bearing deep cuts across each. The blood pooling on the tile told her the one thing she wanted to know. Past the suffocating tragedy and shock, there was something else hanging in the air. A true love, between four boys, that would never die.


End file.
